When I created this blog back in February, it was intended to compel me to write, to complete my many unfinished stories. I began writing in high school and continued through college, but once I started my career, I would only write sporadically. I’d start something, but I’d get distracted and put it to the side. So the purpose of the blog was simply to hold me accountable.
I didn’t imagine people would read it and find solace and strength in it. I didn’t imagine that I’d be brave enough to share my struggles and insecurities so publicly. People have this perception that my life is without wrong and missteps, and I haven’t discouraged anyone from that train of thought in the past. When I opened this site, I was only 30 days into my 90 Days of Prayer so I definitely didn’t think I’d be writing about my relationship with God and encouraging more to reacquaint themselves.
But God knows what He does. He knows where you’re going before you even see the traffic signs. When you allow Him to order your steps…
And I definitely didn’t think so many would view my posts and share them and tell me what my words mean to them. And for that, I thank each of you. For your support has made me believe in myself, to take ownership of what I write, to invest in this joy I have too long denied. (I just paid $26 for my own domain. I could have bought two Vodka Sprites tonight with that.)
I know it seems I speak differently than I used to. I know it seems I behave differently than I used to. And I know there are those who would blow up my phone 100 days ago…well, they don’t call or text as much anymore. I’m not even sure if they read the site as most have not reached out to me. But where God takes you, not everyone can come, and I accept that. Maybe they believe this is just temporary. But it isn’t because this is not a change in me. I’ve always been inquisitive. I’ve always been mouthy. I’ve always been a thinker. I’m just unafraid now of being judged, of being misunderstood, of speaking my truth. It won’t always be pretty or entertaining, and I’ll contradict myself through my words and my actions. But I’m free of worrying about what another thinks, about someone knowing my failures and judging, about having to prove anything to anyone. I’m free of being discouraged by the skepticism on another’s face. John 8:36 says “If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” And this is my freedom.
I’m no preacher. Neither am I an Evangelist. But I am a believer. I believe in my God. And I believe in me. And I believe in you.
For those of you who are here, who read, who share, who support, THANK YOU.
Let’s cause some trouble, eh?
This weekend’s soundtrack – Brandy’s Beggin and Pleadin