God has given me thirty-odd years on this terra with y’all and one fact that I have conclusively learned about myself is…
I hate a lazy ass man.
Like seriously. That nonsense just irks my soul on a molecular level.
Even my mitochondria are irritated.
Texting pointless statements like “Wyd?” “What you getting into this weekend?” “Oh for real?”
Why are you wasting my time? If you want to see me, make a plan. This endless texting is for preteens. I got shit to do. *deep, calming breaths*
My great aunt used to tell me that when a man really wants something, he goes after it. And I believe that was commonly true in her day and age; men were the sole provider so they had to get up and go after it because no one else could. Not so much today.
Maybe we as women did this to ourselves. Demanding the right to vote, right to work, right to equal pay, the right to be heard. Maybe the more we demand and receive, the less men become. Did somewhere along the sands of time a switch get turned off in men? “Revere her? Why? If she wanted respect, she wouldn’t be wearing xyz.” “Open her door? Her hands work.” There was once a time when men actually carried women over puddles or put down their cloaks for them. Now, I’m not saying I want someone to damage his coat to protect my stilettos, but the sentiment is nice, isn’t it?
Instead, we have become the men we want to marry.
I don’t like statistics, but I know you all have come across articles about how women are outnumbering men both in college and postgraduate studies. As I’m typing this, I am staring at my aunt’s MBA mounted on the wall. Contrary to what popular media likes to portray, I have encountered more black women executives than black men in my career. I can name more single female homeowners than male. As black men are being slaughtered in the streets, it was black women who founded the #blacklivesmatter movement. (Do you know their names?)
This is not a male-bashing post. Ok, maybe it is. I don’t censor my love of black people for the comfort of a white audience. And I definitely will not censor myself for the probability that a man will view me as difficult. Wipe your own ego tears.
When a woman spends her work days being commanding, having to demand respect to not be overlooked, leaning in, we do not desire to come home and be the head of the household. Yet that is what happens nowadays. Women lead, not because we want to but because someone has to. But in all actuality, we are still following. We are only doing what men are making us do. Some men do not want to rise up to meet us; they would rather snatch us down to a lower level. Blame our ambition for the breakup of the family dynamic. Require that we start approaching them. Tell us our standards are not realistic and that Becky down the street will do what we will not. How dare you not pop it for a pimp for a $5 box from Popeyes?
A stupid ass man created the term “thot” a few years ago to denigrate a woman and we have adopted into our everyday vernacular. Nothing hurts my soul than to witness a woman dim her shine in hopes of not earning a man’s disapproval.
There is no limit to male criticism. “You’re single because you don’t approach men.” So a woman does that. “She was too aggressive. Shit was unladylike.” Man and woman exchange numbers. “What are you up to?” “I’m watching the game.” “Oh. That sounds cool.” After waiting a week or so for him to ask her out, woman casually mentions how she would like to see him. “Swing through. We can find something on Netflix.” Woman says she’d rather go out, maybe try that new sushi spot. “You too bourgeois for Netflix?”
“Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth the favor of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
It’s actually admirable how men, no matter the education level, are expert-level strategic in making a woman believe what she requires is unrealistic. I venture to say that no woman wants to be alone. God created us to find each other. A man unwilling to do the work doesn’t make her standards unachievable; his ass is just lazy. (Some women do have impractical standards, but that’s another post.) You know why women go after successful men? It’s not the prestige or money, well…not just those things. It’s the evidence that this man saw something he wanted and did what it took to achieve it. The prerequisites to sit at that board dais or to wear the hard hat that says supervisor or to become a principal seemed unreachable to many, yet he did what it took to claim it.
We assume he will apply that same effort to dating and to marriage because a significant number of men do not. Too many men allow things to just happen to them nowadays. “Baby, I love you. She was throwing it at me? What was I supposed to do?!” I have a former coworker, great guy and one of the best men I know, who has been married for over a decade. I met him a few years after he married and asked him what made him take that step. He shrugged and said she made that decision. I guess he had nothing to do with it. Moreover, I could count the number of men who tell me later that they wanted to date me, and when I ask why they didn’t took a step forward, it’s because I never said anything. Ninja what? Speak up.
That last sentence. *raises hand in praise* You’d better rise up. I’ll be over polishing my crown.
Today’s Soundtrack: Alicia Keys – A Woman’s Worth