You Must…To Board This Ride

I do not have a perfect waist to ass ratio.  In actuality, the ratio is more inverted.

I hate cooking. A pot hasn’t consummated with the stove in my house since winter.

My mouth is reckless and my sports tolerance is low.

And I may (occasionally!) have three one shot too many.

For some men, one, two, or all of those things may be a major turnoff.  I don’t meet their standards. And you know what? Fuck their shallow asses! All ninjas want today are IG models and mindless fans. When is the REAL woman’s turn??

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That was sarcasm. My not being who they want is absolutely okay. I could not care less.

Over the weekend, I engaged in a conversation with a reader regarding his encounters with women who aren’t open to dating men without money. Yes, there are derogatory terms for women who only date men within certain tax brackets, but why judge them? If you meet someone and you do not meet their standards, move on! That is their prerogative! Just like your standards are your prerogative.

“Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.” Matthew 13:13

It is self-centered of us to be angry at someone else for their standards. How dare you tell someone else what they want is unrealistic, out of their league, et cetera? Why do people become offended at another’s dating preferences?  My guess–it’s because that specific person does not meet them.  Everyone is okay with standards as long as they can attain them.  As soon as something is inapplicable, one suddenly no longer wants to play the game. Deal with it. Everyone has standards: physically, spiritually, financially, and on.  Some you will meet. Most you will not.  Some people will meet yours.  Most people will not.  That’s called dating.  If standards were capable of being met by just anyone, there would be no purpose to them. You must apply filters in these streets.

I’ve been in love with Prince since high school although every woman who you saw him with romantically was racially ambiguous and did not weigh more than 115. And you know what? It never bothered me because that was his preference, to which he was entitled. Prince barely stood 5 feet tall so in reality, he did not meet my standards. He was not a jerk for preferring mulattos and I am not one for preferring to date men for whom I don’t have to hold the umbrella. The buck doesn’t stop with either of us.  We were not necessary for the world to continue to multiply; therefore, our standards did not HAVE to adjust for each other. Please extrapolate that message. You are not meant to mold someone to fit your standards. They are who they are. And you are not meant to be molded to fit someone else’s. You are who you are. Build a relationship, not a person.

perfect-man-check-list “Intelligence, sense of humor, wit, drive, beauty and ain’t fucked half the city.” I asked a friend of mine what were his absolute must-haves in women, and that was his reply. At first glance, it truly does not look like finding a woman with those standards would be difficult. There are a few acquaintances who immediately spring to mind. I’m sure you’re thinking the same, probably even thinking that you possess all of those yet are still single. And so is he. Yet simply because a woman may check off those columns on paper does not dictate she will check those same columns in his eyes. And he is allowed to be as subjective as he want as it is his life, and he alone chooses he will spend time with. He has that right and so do you. (Hilariously, the man in question has a wait list a mile long with nary a franchise player in recent league history, but women keep volunteering as tribute. Hope springs eternal.)

Daring to have standards means risking ending up alone for a lot of nights. For me, it is far more important to be with someone I want to be with and not someone I have to settle for. And I definitely do not want to be with anyone who settles for me. There are highs and lows, good and bad in the dating game. You think you know what you want but once you have it, you realize that was not it. You date, you fail, you learn. And you try again. Hopefully, your standards adjust. You discern what is negotiable and what is not. Assume the person whose standards you’re not meeting has traveled the same journey. If money is a non-negotiable for her or ass is a non-negotiable for him, trust that he or she knows what it takes to make themselves happy. Move on and save yourself the heartache. The only standards that reflect you are the ones you establish. Don’t take it personally.

My non-negotiables: God-loving, intelligent, educated, witty, determined, great conversationalist, good shoulders, strong thighs, not a single parent.

What are yours?

Today’s Soundtrack: Anthony Hamilton – Take You Home

 

 

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