For the past month, I have been reading The Wait by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good. It was suggested to me by a male friend who is as far from celibacy as Hugh Hefner, but it was making such an impression on him that I just had to read it for myself. Mind you, I am an avid reader, but any literature which can be classified as self-help does not earn room on my bookshelf. However, I am glad I found room as it is a very worthwhile read. As I progressed through it, I shared passages on social media, but please read it for yourselves. If your spirit and mind are open, I doubt you will be disappointed. Since I finished the book, I’ve been lead to read Making Great Decisions for A Life Without Limits by T. D. Jakes. (I quit this book. That man talks too much.)
A vow of celibacy has not been taken, though. I strive to be totally self-aware, and this self-aware woman likes her some good D. Like Salt n’ Pepa said, “I like what you do when you do what you do.” Therefore, I am neither about to lie to myself nor God and promise to wait until marriage. I’m just not that evolved in my journey, but who knows what the next 21 days will bring? This book is about more than waiting until marriage, though. It’s about waiting on God, and on that front, I am both a strong follower and a testimony.
I’ve said it before in one iteration or another, but it bears repeating: My vajayjay is not for most. Someone cautioned me recently that if I keep drinking and going out, someone is going to “run up in me.” I was dismissive of this warning because I know my value. The Bugatti Veyron does not lose its value based on the surroundings it finds itself in. Neither does my value extend itself to casual sex or one night stands based on my current social environment. Alcohol only magnifies the person you are and removes filters from traits that already exist. If your faith in God’s Plan is tenuous when you are sober, you will become susceptible when inebriated.
My faith is formidable.
Besides, my vajayjay has been comatose for months. Any man that wants to awaken her better come equipped with a defibrillator and a sword for the cobwebs. (Or be Chadwick Boseman.)
Occasionally, I end up preaching on here, and that is not my intent. I’m not a pastor. I just drink and I know things. #GOT I have been working with battered women for nearly a decade so I’ve seen (and experienced) firsthand where a lack of self-worth will lead you. I read every message and comment you send and I understand completely. We offer our all and he shuts the door in our face. Another woman has what you don’t so you settle for the Great Value version. We fall for what we think is a man’s potential instead of his character. We use our body as an avenue to a relationship. Though we were taught God is omnipotent, somehow we allow doubt to creep in and convince us that our current emptiness is not within His power.
“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “the two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never help us become one.”
I’ve screwed up a lot of things in my life–romantically, financially, materialistically–because I did not wait for God. I have wasted time and harmed myself because I did not know God. But I do not despair. God says “ask” so I have. He said I will “receive;” thus, I believe. (Luke 11: 9-10) The confidence that you see today does not come from me; it comes from God. And this bravery is not fearlessness; it’s faith. So I wait on God and I prepare.
I have reached that stage in life where commitment is a must. Sharing and gray areas are for those afraid to speak up or willing to settle. I am neither. I don’t want a bae. I want my man. Mine. If commitment is not something a man is after, he should not be after me. If marriage is not a goal, neither should my “chocolate covered honey deep.”
I said this in yesterday’s post, I’m here to build a relationship, not a man. And I’m willing to wait for the man that wants to build said relationship with me. Until that day, consider my vajayjay on loan to the Smithsonian.
“Sometimes, you can’t find what you desire most. Sometimes, it has to find you.”
Quotations are taken from The Wait. Buy the book. If you enjoy this blog, you will not be disappointed.
Full Disclosure – My decision to cease engagement in sex without a commitment was made prior to reading this book.
Today’s Soundtrack: Jill Scott – Be Prepared