(Housekeeping: I know I’m supposed to update this site twice a week. My bad. Fingers crossed that I’ll be back to a normal schedule next week.)
“Pretty brown eyes/ You know I see you/ It’s a disguise the way you treat me..”
“You keep telling me on the telephone/ How you got it going on/ And how you’ll keep me satisfied…”
“Hey Mr. DJ/ Why don’t you slow this party down/ The ladies in here are fly/ And there’s one who’s caught my eye…”
“Last night, we had an argument/ You told me you loved me…”
On this week’s #tbt, let’s take the time to exalt 90s R&B. Back when you used to sit in front of the radio with your fingers primed to press “Record” and “Play” buttons as soon as the deejay stopped talking and Teddy Riley sang, “You know what/I like the players/ No diggity/ No doubt.” Back when Joe promised not to stop until he heard your mama scream. Back when you waited for Donnie Simpson to play Janet Jackson – If so you could perfect that choreography or Remember The Time to figure out how Michael Jackson turned into that damn cat.
“The way you walk, the way you talk/ the way you say my name and smile/ the way you move me, the way you soothe me/ the way you speak softly through the night/ Every morning you rise and open your eyes/ I just wanna be there with you baby/ I just wanna be yours from this day forth…”
I honestly believe this is where my weakness for a man with a charming mouthpiece stems from. Cologne, candles, moonlight, champagne – all of that is just a bonus. The easiest way to get me out of my Vicky’s Secrets is a man’s words. Every man I’ve fallen quickly for had the vernacular of Michael Eric Dyson but talked shit like Barry White in Practice What You Preach. That man could have had my account numbers, access to my 401(k), keys to my front door. Honestly, I might even let him pick out my next pair of my shoes. When intelligence, articulation, and wit combine with a nice baritone and confidence, he’s getting the key to the Softest Place On Earth.
“When the day turns into the day of all time/ I can say I hope you are in these arms of mine/ And when the night falls before that day/ I will cry tears of joy/ Cause after you, all one can do is die”
Seduction and the art of wooing are just a lost form nowadays. Men approach with these tired lines, this faux confidence. Sex is so easily accessible that anything more than text messages and dinner at Pappadeaux’s seem to exhaust their reserves. His eyes are so locked on the prize that he misses how beautiful and sensuous the journey could be. I need to feel like Stephanie Mill’s darling, good all over. What’s a girl gotta do to get seduced around this place, man?
“Last night, I was inside of you/ Last night, while making love to you/ I saw the sun, the moon, the mountains and the rivers…”
DJs used to drop a ten-minute slow jam break when you can pull your crush against you while you sexily sang Stroke You Up in his ear. His hands went places which he knew they shouldn’t, and somehow, magically, you ended up with a passion mark on your neck.
“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1/ Injection, fellas…” (This song made me fall in love with Nathan Morris’ lips and voice. If we ever meet, we’re having sex. I don’t care how old he is now. Those runs at the end of this song…It HAS to happen.)
Some of my most memorable sex sessions involve a 90s R&B soundtrack. Full disclosure – I’m actually grinding in my seat listening to my playlist as I write this. It’s a really good thing I was too young for sex in the 90s. I’d be a 33-year-old with multiple children in high school and college right now. God obviously does not have faith in me as a parent because I’ve done some things to Maxwell that should have definitely had a consequence nine months later. The cops never came knocking, though. I tried.
When I say I want love, I’m talking unfiltered, egoless, vulnerable love. Love that puts a move on my heart. I’m talking the kind of love Mariah Carey envisioned, that “the one I imagined/ would find me eventually.” I want the kind of love that when we disagree, I’ll never doubt it because I know it’s true. His kisses need to feel like it does when Gerald Levert begs, “Baby, hold onto me/ See I’m a special kind/A man that is hard to find/ I’ve told you a thousand times.” When he messes up, I need him to plead like 4.0 to have a little mercy on him.
I need someone who can stand the rain. I want that 90s R&B love. Anything less is just unacceptable.
Today’s Soundtrack: Bell Biv Devoe – Something In Your Eyes
Share your favorite track from the 90s!
Songs Referenced (in order)
Mint Condition – Breakin’ My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes)
Somethin’ For The People – My Love is the Shhh!
R Kelly and Public Announcement – Slow Dance (Hey Mr. DJ)
Silk – Lose Control
Blackstreet – No Diggity
Joe – All The Things Your Man Won’t Do
Janet Jackson – If
Michael Jackson – Remember The Time
Jesse Powell – You
Barry White – Practice What You Preach
Xscape – Softest Place On Earth
Prince – Most Beautiful Girl In The World
Stephanie Mills – I Feel Good All Over
Az Yet – Last Night
Changing Faces – Stroke You Up
Boyz II Men – Uhh Ahh
Maxwell – Til The Cops Come Knockin’
Tamia – You Put a Move On My Heart
Mariah Carey – Vision of Love
Gerald Levert – Baby Hold onto Me
4.0 – Have a Little Mercy
New Edition – Can You Stand The Rain