I have been blessed with some amazing female friends in my life. They’ve been there to wipe my tears, to cheer me on, to even pull me from the rubble when necessary. I truly believe that every woman needs two or three amazing women in their lives. There is power and safety in a sister circle. I have God, I have my family, and I have my friends. They’re there when I need advice, support, or just a night of laughter.
You know where they are not?
An enduring joke amongst female friends is if you date me, you must also date my friends. Absolutely not. There are two people in a relationship. TWO. There are only two opinions that matter. TWO. His and mine. He should not give an iota what your friends think about him. Neither should you. I’ll rephrase.
Your friends’ opinion should never hold more weight than what you feel.
We must stop providing our friends with a play by play of everything that happens in our relationships. It is not their business. I know sometimes he makes you want to claw his eyes from his head and you need to vent to your friends to prevent yourself from going to jail that night. After you are done venting, however, you are still going to want to go home to him. You just needed to get some things off your chest. Yet your friends now hate him and pressure you to cut him loose. Maybe they are seeing things more clearly than you or just maybe their past disappointments are influencing their perspective. I’d argue the latter.
I talk to my friends about what goes on in my life, all aspects of it. My friends know his name, his occupation, how many kids he has, his D game level. We’ve run the numbers on his earning potential and stalked his ex’s social media accounts. A dossier has been compiled and edited. All of this occurs pretty early on when I feel no responsibility to him. Yet once there is a “he and I,” my friends may not cease to exist, but their opinions definitely do. They have no vote in my relationship. My best friend still sits on the Board of my life, but she is a nonvoting member when it comes to my relationship. We are grown ass woman. What do I look like having a powwow with my friends, making a game plan how to respond to MY man, shaking on it, and then going home and saying “my friends and I have decided that you…?” He should look at me like I’m the stupidest woman he has laid eyes on. If you’re still at the age where you have to consult your friends about everything, you are not ready for an adult relationship.
My best friends are married, and you know what I have never done? Offer my opinion on their marriage. If they have ever asked me for advice, I ALWAYS prepped it by saying “I’m not married.” Because I’m not. So I may have an idea of what happens in a marriage, but I don’t know ish about either what it takes to sustain a marriage or what happens daily in their household. Hell, I’m 33 and single so I don’t know what it takes to maintain a successful relationship. Unless he’s putting you or your children in danger, do not listen to me. I don’t know shit.
Moreover, if my man and I are ever in an argument and he offers “Tyrone says you…,” I will ask him if Tyrone was who I should have been giving head to last night since his opinions have entered my bedroom? He might as well be here physically since I apparently have to keep two men happy. And does that mean both of you are treating me to the new Giuseppes? Or will one get the shoes and the other the bag?
Look, I hope his friends like me. I know how close men and their hoodlums are. I want him to be able to have his boys over for the game and they actually want to come knowing I’ll be there. And I want my girls to like him. Because if things go well, he will definitely become a more visible part of my life so they are going to have to commingle. His name will be said a lot because he’s mine, and I won’t tolerate putting disrespek on his name by eyerolls and teeth sucking.
Truthfully though, it does not matter if my friends like or approve of the man I’m seeing or not. Because ultimately, it is not their business. My friends are there to support me, not be me. Pick me up if it falls apart. Stand behind me at the altar if it succeeds. But they have no authority in what happens between my man and me. Friends and your significant other fall in different categories; one is not a substitution for the other. My friends can’t bring me to orgasm. My friends won’t cuddle with me while watching Game of Thrones. My friends don’t give me that “I’m going to fuck the stuffing out of you” look when they see me. And until your friends can do that for you…
Shut the hell up. And yes, that includes status updates on social media.
Today’s Soundtrack: Ginuwine – None of Ur Friends Business (Duh.)