Is He A Leader or Are You Too Anxious To Follow?

Years ago, YEARS, I had the opportunity to witness two lesbians engaged in coitus. (Save your judgment for your mammy.) One was giving what seemed like amazing head to the other, and at my young 23 years of age, it was honestly the most thorough cunnilingus I’d witnessed thus far. The head was hot, unrelenting, and the woman on the receiving end looked as if she was coming out of her skin. It was a marvel to see. And it confirmed a fact that never needed confirming but nonetheless…

As hot as the scene was, there is no substitute for a man.

God did His best work when He made man. Pretty smiles, smooth skin, hard bodies. Intelligent, accomplished, ambitious. Compassionate, church-going, family oriented. Educated, self-aware, protective. Let’s just take a moment and have a praise break for all men. Sirs, you are not replaceable. We women may attempt to replicate you with our hands, with other women, with our toys, but that’s as futile as Donald Trump attempting to follow Barack Obama. It is just sad to witness.

Men. Their mere existence is an aphrodisiac.


But there is always one who causes all others to fade away.

From the first moment your eyes land on him, your soul recognized his power. There is this lethal combination of steady eye contact, great lips, gorgeous teeth, and words spoken with an eloquence that wraps around you and pulls you in.  He is so confident in ability and so certain about self that you fight the urge to cuddle into him and just remain. As soon as he enters a room, the very air changes and every woman’s nerves attune to his magnetism like he’s the North Pole. So secure in his foundation that your spirit instantly recognizes that he would remain stable no matter what you or life throws at him. A man that you could break against and he still wouldn’t move.

There is a valid reason why the captain of the football team was so popular – Leadership. Everyone thinks their leader material. A year ago, there were over 20 candidates who assumed they were qualified to lead the free world. Anyone can believe he is a leader. Everyone wants the spotlight. Everyone thinks he deserves the responsibility. Many have the qualifications on paper to lead. Yet the mark of a true leader is one who others want to lead them. One who commands respect. Not demands, but commands. One who inspires. One who motivates.

Such a man is my weakness.

Some women may want the most successful, the richest, the flashiest car. Some woman need an Idris Elba body with Michael Ealy’s eyes and LL’s lips. I can appreciate an attractive man, and my closet can attest to how I like to spend money. I love a man with a hard upper body and warm eyes. A man who smells amazing with a great smile and a bank account that can spoil me. Yet NONE OF THAT makes a leader.

In each presidential election, the question is raised if this is the person you trust to answer the Red Phone at 3AM. Is this the person you want to rely on in a crisis? A crisis where every second counts and there is no time for hesitation. A crisis with serious, far-reaching repercussions? I apply that same reasoning to the man who is between my legs at 3AM. Is he a leader? Will he guide me safely back to Earth after this orgasm? Will he hold your hand if you find yourself at the hospital? Will he set your world straight when something throws it askew? Is he a man where you can lie everything at his feet, crawl into his lap and sleep, knowing he will handle it all?

God did amazing work when He made man, but when He created the type of man who earns a “Yes” to each of those questions, He shattered the mold. A man like that is not common. A man like that does not come along often. A man like that will not be fucked into a relationship. A man like that does not need to be coaxed into recognizing his equal. A man who knows his worth will not make you doubt yours.

A man like that motivates a woman to meet him at his level. Of course, that man does not travel alone. His magnetism draws all types, and they all want to be in his presence, in his possession. If you can peel your eyes from his and look behind him, you’ll see a trail of groupies with her panties or resume in hand. You can either allow that to intimidate you or motivate you. That is when you need to know your worth. More importantly, you need to have worth. Are there others hoping to be chosen? People love to utter, “We all want what we can’t have.” Maybe. I differ slightly, though. We all appreciate more what is not easy to obtain. No one KEEPS what others can easily HAVE.

If a woman does not know how to identify the value of a leader, does a woman know how to appreciate such a man? A leader is sought after, not searching. A leader is complete before he enters a room. He needs his complement, not to be completed. A leader is not looking for a company who gives any proclaimed individual a chance in the CEO’s chair. A leader who knows his value requires a corporation who is valuable. True value is not determined simply by having interested buyers, but how much a buyer is willing to pay. There is an incredible quote attributed to Eartha Kitt that says, “Many men wanted to lay me down but few wanted to pick me up.” 

Man is praiseworthy, and they can be hard to deny. Women were made for man, and we all want to find as soon as possible the man for whom we were created. Yet all men are not impressive. All men do not deserve to know you. Learn his character. Learn how others view him. Learn if he is the type who will be there when he is needed. Pay attention to how he treats you and others around him. Is he willing to be worthy of you? Because it is those men who rise above – those are the ones you marry. Those are the ones you forgive. Those are the ones who get to be there at 3AM.

Yet before you go offering yourself to the next leader you encounter, you should know whether you are worthy of being led? What kind of men are you attracting? What price are they paying for you? Baby girl, are they laying you down or picking you up?


Today’s Soundtrack: Leela James – Fall For You (Would you catch me if I fell for you?)


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