There are women who find their value solely in male attention. If their lives are currently missing a Bae, they don’t know what happiness is. Their lives revolve around having someone in their bed at night. It does not matter the quality/caliber/married status of their bed partner. The more their “relationships” fail, the lower their standards are set. They’ve hung their worth on having someone to call “bae” so thoroughly that they simply have no idea how to exist alone and be happy. Their relationship status is their currency, and their bank account reads as insufficient if single.
And then you have women who have wrapped their aloneness around them like a security blanket. Who needs a man? She has her career, her Netflix, her Moscato, her body pillow, and her Bible scriptures. Oh, and her B.O.B. None of that is a substantive replacement for a man who loves/desires her, but she won’t admit that. That’s weakness. She needs to feel superior to the women in the aforementioned paragraph who finds herself at every Happy Hour hoping to be chosen. She needs to be able to be judgmental when her friend discovers her husband is cheating. How else will she be able to convince herself she isn’t lonely? She definitely will not put herself out there just so a fuckboy will desert her again or be “intimidated by her success.” She’ll welcome a man when he can prove to her that he brings something to the table that she can’t bring herself. Because God forbid a man EVER thinks she needs him.
Where is our power, ladies?
Power isn’t derived from money. It doesn’t come from a relationship title. It has nothing to do with your hair length or body measurements.
Power is being able to stand alone.
Power is being able to admit when you are weak.
Power is not staying weak.
Power is not needing to crawl under the next available man to stem the pain of the rejection from the last one.
Power is confidence.
You know what my favorite lie from women is?
“I don’t want shit from him.”
Yes, yes, you do. You want a relationship. You want a prompt text back. You want him to drop everyone else for you. You want him to choose you.
But your mouth doesn’t say that. Your mouth says you’re too busy for a relationship. Your mouth says you just needed sexual relief so you responded to his late night text. Your mouth says all men are dogs, and you expected nothing less.
Your insecurity is louder than Kanye’s mouth. You don’t want to question him because you fear receiving the answer you already know. You are not HER for him. You’re just an opportunity. So you’d rather live a lie than accept the truth. Even when the lie repeats itself every time you sleep with someone new.
Each of these rejections is like a bill collector. But instead of answering and owning up to your shit, you keep hitting ignore hoping it goes away.
That’s not power. That’s delusion. *sad face*
We lie to our friends and ourselves as to why we are still involved with someone we know we shouldn’t. We had nothing else better to do. We don’t still have feelings for him; we’re just horny. He had a bad day at work, and we’re still friends.
Blah lie. Blah lie.
You want that man, girl.
Power is being unafraid to say what we want, pursue what we want, and if we fail, it is not allowing that to diminish us. We are not designed to be alone. We are meant to be found by our Boaz. We are not meant to modify every ninja into our Boaz, though. There’s this balance we must keep as women: be open but not desperate. Be amenable but not gullible. Be strong but not unmovable.
Be confident and wear it. That’s our power. We don’t have to have everything together to be powerful. We don’t have to be a perfect size 6 to be powerful. We don’t have to ever not fuck up to be powerful. Our phone does not need to be ringing to be powerful. We exist. Therefore, we are power. We are enough. Own yourself! Power isn’t so much about what you have as it is who you are. If everything crumbles around you, are you a woman who can pick herself up? If your heart gets broken, are you the type who will stay broken? Are you the type of a woman who multiplies a man’s life or subtracts from it? I’ve had a few conversations recently and a man commented that the reason a situationship or date didn’t become more is because the woman had nothing going for herself. There was nothing that inspired or drew him in. Nothing that made him believe this was a woman who would be an enhancement to his life.
Now I could read him for filth, write that off as more male BS, but maybe there is something to his opinion. Do we as women have anything going for ourselves? What are we bringing to the table other than our ego or our desperation? Most men do not have time to sort through the baggage we load into his trunk before we climb into his passenger seat. We can’t look for a man to fix us, to ensure our happiness, to solidify our worth. This isn’t high school. Our place in the social hierarchy shouldn’t depend on if we’re wearing someone’s letter jacket during lunch. And we should never be so proud of said letter jacket that it becomes us instead of simply being an accessory. Nor should we ever forget to care whose letter jacket it is. Because every guy who offers you attention does not deserve yours.
Power is being able to earn your own damn jacket and having his only be an option.