Steps To Upgrade A Situationship

Step One: Tell his wife.


I’m joking. I’m sorry to report that there is no upgrading a situationship. If he wanted a relationship with you, darling, he’d be in one with you. You willingly entered into this situation. Maybe at the time, you thought you could handle casual sex. Maybe you thought you’d show how amazing a woman you are and he’d snatch you up. Hope springs eternal, sweetie.

Look. Lawyer here. When you listed all things you wanted in a man and would not put up with but slept with him anyway, you agreed to a situationship. You accepted the terms and conditions of this agreement, and you don’t have the option to amend the contract without his approval.

Men know what they want. And so did you. A situationship is not what you were looking for. You wanted all of him, but you settled for delayed texts and every other nights. You wanted a Facebook relationship update, and you settled for a tagged group photo. You wanted dinner dates and museum outings, and you settled for takeout and Netflix.

You may not have verbally said yes to a situationship, but you definitely did not physically say no. Why are women okay with sharing when the reverse is rarely true? We allow possibly blossoming relationships to dissolve into jumpoffs/cut buddies/FWBs. Hesitation is quickly overcome when it comes to being the other woman.  Hell, we barely blink an eye if infidelity from our SO is discovered.  WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. US?

I recognize that women aren’t alone in these situations, but men are whores. I expect nothing more than the bare minimum from the dumber sex. I rarely hear men complain “Man, that chick only calls me when she needs the D.” Yet I daily hear women lamenting about these situations which are our very own fault. I raise my hand in support of women taking control of their sexual appetite, but I caution us not to confuse empowerment with a consolation prize.  We have convinced ourselves that there are few good men so if an opportunity arises where we can wrap our hands around a man’s wrist, we refuse to let go.

So how do you upgrade a situationship? You let that motherfucker go. Tada! Instant upgrade.


As a dating youngster, I truly believed that certain privileges were only for my boyfriend, and my classmates/friends knew so. “No, only my boyfriend can carry my books.”  “No, I only kiss my boyfriend good night.”  Honestly, this action was employed more as a reason to not do things I didn’t feel comfortable with yet and to not be put in situations in which I’d rather not be; however, it has definitely aided me throughout my life and has not been discarded.

Due to having employed this belief since my teens, I know that if you make a man work for it, he will.  I also know that if you don’t, he will not. Men need to conquer. It’s a driving force within them. They will adapt to the required conditions. Unfortunately and disproportionately, there exist today too many women that clear the field, so to speak, for men. They allow them to cut corners by showing up late or not at all, not calling, accepting their weak alibis, etc. The number of good men seems to be so scarce nowadays that we, as women, have seriously allowed our prerequisites to slip. We’re so afraid of upsetting the tenuous plane that we’re standing on that we hesitate to assert ourselves and demand what’s due us. “Are we dating or are we just fucking?  Where is this going?  If I say what I want, will it scare him away?  Maybe I can screw him into commitment.  I’ll just give him everything he wants, and he’ll realize how great I am.”

I think us women have grown afraid to say what we want or what we need because we worry how it will be perceived or how he will react. Maybe we don’t deserve it. Maybe he won’t think we’re worthy. Newsflash: He doesn’t. If he did, you would not still be in a situationship. But you don’t have to be. You can’t amend the contract, but you inherently and eternally reserve the right to default on it.

You are worthy of a man’s best. You deserve it all. Simply because this situationship fell to manifest into a relationship does not affect y0ur value. So be unafraid to say it loudly: I WANT IT ALL.

Today’s Soundtrack: Janet Jackson – Son Of A Gun

One thought on “Steps To Upgrade A Situationship

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