My Fuckin’ Ex

You all have that one MF in your past that no matter how badly he fucked up, no matter how long it has been since you’ve communicated with him or even thought about his ass, no matter who is currently knocking your ass down…that one MF could get it without even speaking a word? That one ex who even saying his name leaves your panties just a little damp? That one bastard who carved his name on your inner walls at a depth no other man has even come close to reaching?

Girl…

I’m just minding my business, going about my life this morning, and I get a text notification. Open my phone, and I swear fo’ Jesus, everything else in the world just disappeared except for the memory of the last time this man touched me. He might as well been standing behind me whispering that shit in my ear for how my body shivered reading every word. It was barely 10 words, and I’m certain I had a mini orgasm.

Y’all remember that scene in The Matrix where the woman had a silent orgasm while eating a piece of cake? That was me a half-hour ago.

This bastard just completed upset the itinerary of the next 24 hours of my life.

Got me calling my aesthetician to see if she has a last minute cancellation today.

Got me working through lunch so I can get out of here and get to him as soon as possible.

Got me doing sun salutations in my office trying to limber up.

Shit. I need to go home and put on a fresh change of sheets. Fuck.

This just ain’t fair. I know all men are God’s creations, but for a few of ‘em, He was obviously feeling Himself the day of their molding. I’ve had some good sex. I’ve had a few good lovers. But I’ve only had one who made me black out from the intensity of his orgasms. I’ve only had one who could intellectually fuck me well and physically fuck me better.

We all have that one ex. That one man who just eclipses any and everything when he’s near. That one MF who always has an all-season pass. That one man who is just your weakness!

Ladies, listen…if y’all don’t hear from me tomorrow, call a few emergency rooms to make sure I’m still here on Earth. Because…uh…I’m about to forget every moral I may ever had.

Soundtrack: Ginuwine – So Anxious

 

 

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