…when fuck niggas aren’t enough.
I wonder if women were to judge men a much as we choose to judge other women, would more men grow the fuck up? Like maybe if we stopped laughing when our male friends tell us how he’s fucking over another woman and instead commiserate with that woman because we have all been in that position tell that nigga what a piece of shit he is?
Let me warn you now. The original draft of this rant is posted so the language won’t be pretty. Nor will I play devil’s advocate and try to understand from the male point of view because…fuck you.
I remember years ago reading this series of articles called, “The Feminization of Men.” It was written by a man, and it was one of the most brilliant thinkpieces about black men that I’d ever read. That site that ran the articles is long gone, but what struck me the most about them is that it was a black man taking other black men to task for their bullshit. There were a lot of comments, and the discussion was amazing to participate in. It remind of how we as black people understand that the majority of cops are good, but the bad ones are really fucking bad. And the best way to regulate is for the good cops to step in and address the bad ones directly instead on yelling #bluelivesmatter. In other words, I know black men are good, but a significant number of y’all are fuck niggas. And if you don’t want to be labeled as a whole as fuck niggas, then address your boys, not us. You know better than we do that your homeboy ain’t shit.
I was told last night that no man is trying to wife a woman who several other mutual acquaintances have had. Respect. So why the fuck do you think a woman wants to be associated with your hoe ass? If your dick has been used like the perfume sample in a department store—any woman walking by can get a try—why would I want to be your used ass? I’m not even sure I want to buy an unopened bottle because I ain’t trying to smell like every other woman out here. Nor am I trying to walk into a room that also hold multiple women you’ve fucked.
My career requires a level of aggressiveness, determination, and a dominant attitude from me daily that some days, I am not even sure I possess. I often have to be a complete bitch in meetings to be heard and respected. By the time I walk through my door at night, I am drained. So the last thing I want to have to do when I take off my corporate costume is to employ those same characteristics in my personal life. My job is to spot my clients’ lies and find what they’re hiding. I neither have the energy to play investigator in my love life nor to be lied to by the man in my bed. When it comes to dating and love, I am ready to submit. But these niggas out here are hoes one day, toddlers the next.
Now maybe I am just ranting this morning because I’ve been avoiding sugar for the past month and there was a spider in my closet last night. Or maybe I’m still annoyed the White Walkers knocked down the Wall on Game of Thrones. This is coming from a place of anger, though. It’s disappointment. Black women are amazing, doing incredible things professionally and financially. I know more Black women who are financially stable than I do Black men. In my law school class, more Black women than men. In conference rooms, more Black women than men.
Yet for some fucking reason–maybe due to centuries of this patriarchal society—black men still think they are the prize. That they are what needs to be won. Ha. Honestly, what the fuck have you done for us lately? Some of y’all are just surviving from the annuities of the great black men who came before you.
Regardless of your unimpressiveness of late, we black women remain hopeful in you because we pine for the day we get to claim one of you as our own. When we get to see you at the end of the aisle. When we have you to kill the spiders in our closet. So we do everything we’re told to do to get you. We hit the gyms; we hit the books. We talk shit about our competition in attempts to prove to you our superiority. We learn new sexual tricks to keep you pleased and in no need of another woman as we restrain our own sexual nature to not be labeled as hoe by you. Because we know what a Black Man, and we just want to be by your side to help you achieve it.
It’s not that we do not believe good black men exist. So many of y’all are just fucking disappointments.
Today’s Soundtrack: Toni Braxton – You’re Not Man Enough