Why Not Hoe?

When I think about my early to mid-twenties, all I can recall are tequila shots and penises.

Not even faces or names…just penises.

My memory is shot about those I did in my 20s. It’s as if my brain decided to permanently delete the useless. True story, this guy approached me earlier this year and was like, “don’t I know you?” Nah. After some attempts by him to jog my memory, it turned out he was one of those random penises of my 20s.

*shrugs* I’ve had a lot of D in my day.

I was like Goldilocks. I was gon’ try each one until I found the one I liked.

You can call it being sexually liberated. Lemme call it what it was: a hoe phase.

And darlings, I enjoyed my hoe phase.

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Dating Everest

“I just don’t think I really have the energy for it. And to me dating feels like what I’ve heard people who (do) drugs feel like. There’s this rush of energy and good feeling, then…that crash. I don’t want to be high, just happy. No crash. No withdrawals.”

Raise your hand if you have ever felt exactly like she described. (Raise your hand and hit the LIKE button.) I received this message this morning, and I knew as soon as I read it that we would all be able to relate to what she’s feeling. Because who amongst us hasn’t been tempted to throw in the towel after yet another disappointment in dating? Who hasn’t been overcome with defeat when you knew you tried it differently this time and it still lead to another heartbreak? Why up your body count for something that won’t lead to a name change? Why even go out and risk yet another broken heart when you can stay home, safe and secure in your cashmere throw, with Netflix?

Most readers find my site through someone sharing it on Facebook or through text messages.  Occasionally, Google will send someone to my site, and 98% of the time is to my post “Steps to Upgrade A Situationship.” I feel a little guilt each time I see this happen because I know there is someone hurting on the other end, hoping to find out how to save what she thought she had with some man, and unfortunately, that post is not a step-by-step guide on how to get a commitment.  It’s about moving on and finding someone better. Women would rather save the unsaveable, though.

Dating isn’t always fun. Neither is it always torture. It is simply a necessity. You want that happily-ever-after. It doesn’t just fall into your lap. The work must be put in, and that work is dating. When I hear women say they are tired of dating, what I’m hearing is they are tired of failing. GOOD! You should be. That doesn’t mean you stop dating. You date SMARTER. You date PURPOSEFULLY. You date OBJECTIVELY.  Have a list of Dos and Don’ts, Must-Haves and Negotiables. You date FREQUENTLY. Have multiple candidates until one rises to the top.

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S.A.M. (Guest Post)

It is finally December! This is my favorite time of year. I LOVE December. Between the birth of our Savior, family, Christmas lights/music/decorations, and my birthday, it all fills me with such joy and hope and most importantly, gratitude. I made it through another year. I’m grateful for all my achievements and my failures. I’m awed by the new people who entered my life and I’m heartened by those who exited because if they were meant for me, they would still be around.  I am at peace during this time of year. With so few days left, no time remains to rush and attempt to accomplish something you didn’t in the past 330 or days. Now is the time to be still and enjoy what did occur, where I am right now, and fill myself with excitement about what blessings God will bestow next year.

Today’s post is brought to you by some #blackgirlmagic, someone who I am very grateful to have in my circle. Please enjoy her beautiful pieces she has graciously allowed me to share with you today and since I know (👀)  you visit my site because this is a place of empowerment and strength and sisterhood, you will leave love and a comment.

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