I hate cowardice.
I hate a person so entitled that they believe shit should be just handed to them without any effort on their part.
Writer’s block has been le struggle for me lately. It hasn’t been due to a lack of topics. Over the past few weeks, I’ve had multiple conversations with multiple women, and they’ve all given me inspiration on specific subject matter. Not to mention my own love life drama. And Goddess knows my mind never lacks for filth. But I’ve found it hard to write because every thought I’ve had feels regurgitated. How many different ways can I tell you to know your worth and sally forth? How can I demand you, yet again, to stop settling for male bullshit?
Why do I have to repeatedly tell you to grow a fucking backbone?
I can write yet another post telling men to level up, stop the fuckboy shit, and take accountability for their actions. Men aren’t the ones whining in my ear, though. Men are so certain of their place in the world that nothing shakes their confidence. No, it’s not men whom I need to take accountability today.
It’s us women. The specifics in all my recent discussions may differ from one woman to the next, but all their troubles revolve around the same dilemma: too terrified to open their mouths.
How can you expect to receive what you want when you’re too damn afraid to say what you want?
Honestly, what is the worst that will happen if you tell a man how you feel? You’ll find out he doesn’t really want you? That is the BEST FUCKING THING! Now you can stop wasting your time wondering if the situation is going anywhere.
Your time should cost. Men not only need to earn time spent in your presence, he has to earn the right to even occupy your thoughts. Y’all out here giving niggas free real estate in your head. As a friend of mine likes to say, “but what did this nigga do?!”
“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.” -Audre Lorde
Not saying what’s on my mind gives me the same anxiety I feel if I must wear something around my neck. I stay away from high-neck tops or chokers or scarves because anything covering that area makes me feel as if I can’t breathe. I don’t know if there’s a phobia for it, but it makes me feel imprisoned, like I’m being hid or restricted.
And Goddess knows…I do not like to feel restricted.
Therefore, there is no chance in hell that I will restrict my words for fear of running away a man. Let me tell y’all a truth about men. About people actually. People are going to lie to you. People are going to mislead you. People are going to use you. No matter how you try to fit their requirements, they will still fuck you over. Acknowledge and accept this fact of life.
So what you must not do is lie to yourself. You DO want a relationship. Not verbally stating that will not remove the desire. You hate spending your nights alone. Screaming along with Rihanna about how you’re a savage will not change that fact. You fear the reason you’re still alone is because of you and not that all men are shit. Picking apart every happy couple on your social feed won’t take away your loneliness. You don’t gain control over your emotions by pretending they’re not there. You must recognize their existence. Feel what you feel. And then put it behind you.
You know what happens when you don’t speak up and you just wait and see what happens? Not a motherfucking thing. Ain’t nobody thinking about you. You want that man’s world to revolve around you. Okay but why should he give a damn what you want? Because you’re you and one day, lightning will strike, and he will see who you have been all along? 😂😂😂
Maybe that happened in the rom-com you caught on Netflix last Friday night. Maybe your best friend’s sister’s cousin has a similar story. All you have to do is remain faithful, pray to God, and the right man will fall at your feet.
That ain’t how this shit works. Why are you choosing to be a supporting character in your own story? You’ve made yourself a wallflower in your life! Get off the bench and go claim what you want! Nothing in this life is given to you, not even love. You want a higher paying job, you apply for it. You want a nicer home, you apply for it. You want that man? Only person stopping you from having him is you.
Life isn’t supposed to happen to you. You’re supposed to happen to it. I grew up in a Baptist church in the south so the scripture that says “He that findeth a wife…” was pounded into my head growing up. We’re taught as women that it isn’t upon us to find the person we want to spend eternity with…he will find us. We just have to be godly and faithful and wait. Oh no no no. I have questions. Who the fuck is he first? That’s an issue. Some of you don’t care so much about who he might be; you just want a he. So you follow these IG accounts of men who claim to be relationship experts in hopes of learning what men look for in a wife and adjusting your behavior. Steve Harvey says not to have sex for 90 days. You don’t. So and so says women shouldn’t curse, shouldn’t wear reveling clothing, shouldn’t post thirst traps, etc. And you absorb all that bullshit like it’s the law. Do you really require instructions on how you should be YOU?
Maybe when the good book was transcribed, women were docile and powerless. But YOU ARE NOT. Don’t be found. Be recognized! You’re removing the responsibility of your own life from your own shoulders for a risk-free guarantee. “If he comes to me, it must be real.” You’re settling because you truly do not believe you are worthy of more. Insecurity is LOUD regardless if you never speak a word about what you’re feeling inside. You’re waiting for someone to come along and prove that you do deserve everything you want. So you hang these hopes on any man who will finally give you a reason to leave the house, to update your FB status, to post an couple photo. You now have something to show to others to prove you are worthy. You are desirable. Someone does want you. When you place your happiness and values in the hands of another, you’ve just sold yourself at a discounted price.
If you had faith in your worth, you wouldn’t fear a man’s reaction to your expectations. If you had faith in yourself, you wouldn’t be just hoping for it. You’d be going for it. You want more? Tell him. He fucked up? Tell him. He came too quickly last night? Tell him. Punch that nigga in the chest with your words. Find out what that MF is made of. You sitting at home waiting for a man who you don’t even know is capable of withstanding a strong wind. Know who the fuck you are. And be Her. At all times. Not receiving what you want after making it known isn’t proof that you didn’t deserve it. It’s just proof that that man couldn’t give it to you.
If you had faith in your worth, you would stop trying to earn men and make them earn you. You keep going through life as a coward, and you’re just going to end up with the scraps stronger women have left behind.