Over thirty years ago, an esteemed philosopher asked a highly important question. An inquiry that to this very day remains necessary. A query so profound that the answer lies within. In 1986, Janet Jackson asked her boyfriend….
What have you done for me lately?
The flawless rhetoricalness of that question is astonishing and masterful. The question cannot be answered because for an answer to exist, the question should not. Let me rephrase. Had that ninja done anything, Ms. Jackson would never have even thought to ask him what. There wouldn’t have been a need. The proof should have been apparent.
There is a phrase that gets bandied about and reworded, but the gist never changes: A man fights for what he wants. Do I have to say I agree with that because it’s obvious, isn’t it? I have never been uncertain when a man wanted to have sex with me. NEVER. No matter who he might have been, he always let me know he was trying to get this work. Therefore, if you never have to question if he wants to sex you, you shouldn’t have to question if he wants to love you.
I could offer you a list right now of the ways a man shows he wants to love you. “How To Know He’s With You For The Right Reasons.” But relationship lists are crocks of shit. Advice from your friends? Crock of shit. What worked for your great-aunt Mae in 1948? Crock of shit. Hell, the posts I write on this site? Crock of shit.
You know what’s not a crock of shit, though? That man. (Note the difference between “ain’t shit” and a “crock of shit.” All men are the former. No exceptions.) No one can give you insight into him BUT HIM. No one can tell you what he’s looking for BUT HIM. No one can tell you why he did what he did BUT HIM. Stop listening to your friends or bloggers or Derrick Jaxn. No one knows your shit but you. No one knows his shit BUT HIM.
Men speak. Even when they’re not talking, they’re talking. I remember reading this anecdote about Erykah Badu. Someone asked her how she managed to wrap Andre 3000, Common, etc around her fingers. And her response was so simple. She listened to them.
You ever have that friend who, once her relationship goes bad, announces how she’d always known he was lying? And you just stood there like “What…So why?” Maybe you are that friend. Your relationship exploded, and through the aftermath, red flags started to lock into place. They didn’t just suddenly appear. Red flags tend to not exist to us until we are forced to see them. We don’t have to acknowledge what we don’t want to see. Nor do we have to acknowledge what we don’t want to hear. And ladies? We’ll bury our heads in sand to keep a man.
I’m always amused when I see someone make a post online asking for male opinions. EVERY TIME, women answer for them. It never fails. We tell men what they think. We tell men what we want them to say. We do everything but listen.
Now why is that? Do we assume everything that exits their mouths are lies? Probably. Yet we still gon’ break ‘em off. 🤷🏾♀️ Do we assume they are too timid to speak? Or do we just assume we know what all men are about because an asshole or two in our past fucked us over?
Be still and listen. Step back and allow that man to show you who he is. He’s going to screw up, and if he’s anything like mine, it will be a weekly occurrence. But he will let you know what you are and who you are to him. What he does and does not say, what he does and does not do. Hear ALL of that. He is showing you exactly who he is and telling you exactly what he wants. If his actions are saying you are just a fuck, then you’re just a fuck. If his actions indicate that he sees a future with you, then he sees a future with you. He ain’t speaking Mandarin, girl. You betta hear that nigga.
He’s already told you every answer you are waiting on. Listen! You have to hear that man for who he is, not who you want him to be.