“But what does he mean?” How many times have you asked your friends or yourself that question? Something about your man’s behavior or words doesn’t add up, and you gotta figure this shit out. Is he finally ready to commit or is he still playing games? You believe his actions aren’t reconciling with reality when the truth usually is that the reality in your mind doesn’t reconcile with his actions. So we powwow with our friends over wine, dissect text messages, read relationship anecdotes online…any and everything to prove that you and he are heading toward a future together. You may even gather the courage to question him on his intentions, and instead of giving you a definite answer, he hems and haws, goes silent, or tells you he’s not looking for a relationship right now. And again you ask, “but what does he mean?”
I love you ladies so much that I have taken it upon myself to venture into the wolf’s den and go straight to the source. I decided to ask a few men in my life, whom I respectee, about a man’s behavior when he wants a future with a woman. Yes, I dared to try to obtain a straight answer from a man. And it turns out that it wasn’t difficult at all. I received some great responses. I’m sure you will appreciate their candor, and hopefully, it will help you evaluate the status of your current relationship. These men definitely have me putting mine under a microscope now.
One of the best lessons life has taught me is that those who aren’t happy with themselves cannot be happy for you. How can they share in someone else’s joy when misery is deteriorating their insides? And unfortunately, people today choose not to acknowledge and address their inner pain but to project their insecurities onto someone else. This is the virality of social media. The last man played her so she may like you and your boo’s pics, but she will also screenshot them to her group chat to talk shit. She might even jump in your man’s inbox for the sole purpose of proving things aren’t as rosy as you’re making them seem. Or maybe someone lost weight and is showing off their new figure for the gram? Whereas her pants wouldn’t come past her thighs this morning. That photo won’t be getting a like. Misery wants you miserable on that uncomfortable bench right next to them.
My mama used to say, and still does, “What goes on behind this front door stays behind this front door.” There could be all the arguments and disagreements and fuck-ups possible occurring inside of our home, but when you walked out of that front door, none of that left with you. “Any of them MFs out there paying bills in here?” Then why the hell do they deserve to know what’s going on in my house?”
There seems to be a hesitation in me to writing this, and that surprises me. As many of you have noted, I will say what I say unapologetically, and time to time, I may share a few selective personal truths. That isn’t because I ain’t nevuh scurred; it’s more that I really don’t care what y’all think. I do thank you for reading my thoughts, and I hope you enjoy them, but I honestly DGAF about someone’s opinions about my life. People only know what you let them know, and moreover, why would you care about the thoughts of someone who has no vested interest in the responsibilities of your life?
Therefore, the hesitation in writing this is unfamiliar to me, and I surmise it is because I don’t want anyone out there to take my words and attempt to fit them into your lives. You’re not me; my man isn’t your man. Our stories do not align so do not force a narrative. Before I go any further, let me state that at this moment, I’m not sure exactly where my ramblings will take and/or if I will post it. So if you are reading this, I apologize if it lacks rhyme or reason. The words that follow are free-flowing and are about me and the past eight weeks to five months and beyond of my life. When you’re changing, you don’t usually notice until you look back, but I fear internal change so deeply that the transition I’m ongoing has me aware of every second. And if I have to offer a thesis about the current stage in my journey…I got it bad y’all.