Auditions Will Be Held at 9

You know what’s outdated? Flip phones.

You know what’s even more outdated? Judging women who sleep with you on the first date or within the first few.

We get you naked early to find out if you’re even worth our MFing time. These are tryouts, ninja. We need to know what you’re packing and how you’re executing it. No woman is trying to waste 90 days of their life for lame D. NO. BO. DY. We have bags to secure and ceilings to break. We have businesses to run and stages to slay. If your D isn’t capable of snatching my soul, I can’t risk you snatching my time, bruh. There are others so much worthier out there.

One of the greatest lies men tell themselves is that women sleep with them in hopes that it’ll keep them. LMAO. No, honey, we’re just testing to see if it’s worth your keeping us. Last week, there was a discussion on my FB page about whether bad sex was a dealbreaker. Hell yes, it is, but there were differing opinions. Some believe that it isn’t a dealbreaker and they would work with the guy. I’m in my 30s. My time is quite valuable, and I just can’t be holding remedial classes in my spare time.

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How To Get A #MCM

Full Disclosure – I have no idea what a good man looks like.

So if you’re visiting my site for the twelve steps to finding the man of your dreams, you are in the wrong place. I know as much as you do, possibly even less. All I can offer you are my experiences and honesty, and we can learn to traverse dating in 2018 together. I don’t know where, when, and how to find a good man. I can’t tell you what signs to look for to determine if your investment has any future. I can’t advise you what determines a red flag and if such is forgivable. (Unless he doesn’t like 90s R&B. Then you need to let him go. He ain’t kinfolk.) In other words, I am not your relationship whisperer. What authority do I have to define how success and happiness should look for you?

Furthermore, what authority does anyone have? Meme after meme, article after article, advice from friend after friend. Everyone has suggestions and recommendations for your situation, and most will contradict each other. “Be your man’s peace.” “You gotta let that man know you’re not to be fucked with.” “A real man will never let you go to bed angry.” “A successful man is a busy man. Learn to control your attitude.” When your peers and social media fail you, you decide to resort to wisdom. You talk to your mom and grandmother and aunties. One will undoubtedly tell you to just let a man will be a man; whereas, one of your aunts will tell you all men ain’t shit. And it all ends with you being in a worst place mentally than you were before you sought outside counsel.

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Makeup Sex

We Sagittarians are infamous for our brutal honesty. We tend to lack tact and ignore social graces when talking. Our straightforward manner of speaking leads us to be plenty argumentative, and the accuracy of that is astounding in my case. If you ask anyone who knows me personally why I’m not married, they’d probably offer my mouth. If you asked my past lovers why we weren’t successful, they’d say my mouth. If you ask my mother what my main malfunction is, she’d also say my mouth.

My tactless tongue has caused me plenty grief in several areas of my life particularly relationships, but it has also led me to some of the greatest makeup sex. Is there anything better than having a man traumatize your yoni? I mean, pin your ankle to your shoulder and just have no mercy? Aggressively remind you and that mouth of yours which one of you is holding 7+ inches?

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