When You Got That Glow…

We are some dumb asses.

We spend our time and energy pretending we all have it together when really, we’re all just a little fucked up.

Front all you want for social media. Your relationship is perfect. Your job is valuable. Edges grown in. Skin cleared.

Every day, bih? I’m not buying it.

Well, you know what? Maybe it is true for you.

It ain’t true for me.

My weight is up. My finances are down. And my sex life is nonexistent. Shit hurts, bruh.

It takes far too much energy to pretend to be happy and living my best life every day. It takes too much energy to go out and fake smiles. It requires too much of my time to listen to other people lie to me about their lives.

Most of you reading this may think I’m writing this from a bitter place. You’re wrong. I’m actually dancing in my chair as I’m typing this. Not because my scale was down five pounds this morning (🤷🏾‍♀️ I have no idea. I’m not stepping on that bastard). But because I’m owning my truth. I’m not afraid of it. Nor am I afraid of anyone’s opinion of it.

Dead the noise, darlings. Today, I’m my own #WCW.

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I’m sure you guys are familiar with the saying “Those who matter don’t mind. And those who mind don’t matter?”

But have you ever truly contemplated the truth of those statements? The friends who value you and in turn, deserve your value will never judge you. They won’t try to change you. They won’t belittle your individuality. They will set you upright when you can’t do it for yourself. Your life can crumble next to you, and they’ll be there to help you sort through the rubble. And they’ll tell you where you went wrong. I have a few good friends like that in my life, and they know who they are.

And those who do mind? Who? Exactly.

There has been a lot of talk about mental illness and depression on social media this week since the season finale of Insecure. I’m not a therapist, and I don’t play one on the Internet. In no way am I offering a diagnosis or a prescription. But I do know everyone goes through things. No one is happy everyday. Shit goes wrong in everyone’s life. So maybe instead of judging and gossiping, ask your friend if they’re okay. Then LISTEN! Keep your opinions, anecdotes, and solutions to yourself. And just fucking listen!

Also, if you’re the one going through something, be brave enough to tell someone. You can’t go through life alone. You can’t do this by yourself. I tried, and I watched my life careen over a cliff because I had too much pride and fear of judgment to open my mouth. And you know who pulled me back? Those who mattered.

master to me

Listen, I believe in a higher power. (Shut up, Darryl.) And I know that God gives you everything and everyone you need to get through anything. You will get to the other side, and you’ll be the better for it. And you’ll be able to help someone else get there as well.

No man is an island. You have a responsibility to yourself, to those who came before you, and to those who come after to SHINE! The people who love you will revel in your sun’s rays with you. And those who don’t are probably upset you’re shining brighter. Disregard and keep shining. I’m not telling you what I heard; I’m telling you what I know. (Shout out to Mrs. Johnson!) I’m always at my lowest when I’m concerned about what someone else thinks and/or when I’m trying to be who they think I am. That is exhausting, and it’s detrimental.

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It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to be fucked up. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be yourself.

No, it’s NECESSARY to be yourself. Flaws, mistakes, stumbles, and all.

Be unafraid to carve your own path.

Be unafraid to put your phone on Do Not Disturb.

Be unafraid to hurt anyone’s feelings because you’re not doing what they want you to do.

Give yourself what you need.

Some like to brag about not giving a fuck. I give all the fucks. I care. I care how I’m treated, and I care how I treat others.

What I’ve learned is that the people who truly want you in their lives will strive to be in yours. They will meet you where you are and not force you to meet them where they are. That’s not friendship. That’s being a fan. Why are you willing to be part of someone’s supporting cast if they don’t return that support?

Stop agreeing to situations which don’t make you feel good about yourself. You know when some shit is bad for your psyche, yet you do it anyway. Why? Protect your spirit like you protect your CashApp. Block that fuckboy. Remove those friends. Delete social media. Find another job.

You have THIS life. JUST THIS ONE.

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This life is long. You are going to stumble and fall multiple times. There is no resetting and starting over. You just get to your feet and keep moving. You have this sole journey. There are going to be some years when you’re coasting along, wind in your hair, favorite playlist blasting, and not a cop around. And there are going to be some years when you’re broke down on an empty back road, with no money to call a tow truck and no friend in the passenger seat.

That’s life. But you know what? You keep going. And you do the shit that makes you happy.

For me, it’s reading. It’s traveling. It’s my family and friends. It’s being around and talking to people who make me feel good about myself. It’s writing. Two days ago, I completed the first draft of the second book I’ve ever written. And God willing, it will be published one day soon. That’s where I’ve been. No…that’s where I am.

I know it seems that I’ve been AWOL lately, but I haven’t. You just had to come to me. I had to take a seat and figure my shit out. And it ain’t all figured out. Yet this joy I’m feeling right now lets me know I’m heading in the right direction. And my future is limitless.

Every single word on this page is my truth. This is me.

And gotdamnit, I’m crushing on my damn self. Shine on, girl. 🤩

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Today’s Soundtrack: Victoria Monet – The Glow

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