We spend our time and energy pretending we all have it together when really, we’re all just a little fucked up.
Front all you want for social media. Your relationship is perfect. Your job is valuable. Edges grown in. Skin cleared.
Every day, bih? I’m not buying it.
Well, you know what? Maybe it is true for you.
It ain’t true for me.
My weight is up. My finances are down. And my sex life is nonexistent. Shit hurts, bruh.
It takes far too much energy to pretend to be happy and living my best life every day. It takes too much energy to go out and fake smiles. It requires too much of my time to listen to other people lie to me about their lives.
Most of you reading this may think I’m writing this from a bitter place. You’re wrong. I’m actually dancing in my chair as I’m typing this. Not because my scale was down five pounds this morning (🤷🏾♀️ I have no idea. I’m not stepping on that bastard). But because I’m owning my truth. I’m not afraid of it. Nor am I afraid of anyone’s opinion of it.
Full Disclosure – I have no idea what a good man looks like.
So if you’re visiting my site for the twelve steps to finding the man of your dreams, you are in the wrong place. I know as much as you do, possibly even less. All I can offer you are my experiences and honesty, and we can learn to traverse dating in 2018 together. I don’t know where, when, and how to find a good man. I can’t tell you what signs to look for to determine if your investment has any future. I can’t advise you what determines a red flag and if such is forgivable. (Unless he doesn’t like 90s R&B. Then you need to let him go. He ain’t kinfolk.) In other words, I am not your relationship whisperer. What authority do I have to define how success and happiness should look for you?
Furthermore, what authority does anyone have? Meme after meme, article after article, advice from friend after friend. Everyone has suggestions and recommendations for your situation, and most will contradict each other. “Be your man’s peace.” “You gotta let that man know you’re not to be fucked with.” “A real man will never let you go to bed angry.” “A successful man is a busy man. Learn to control your attitude.” When your peers and social media fail you, you decide to resort to wisdom. You talk to your mom and grandmother and aunties. One will undoubtedly tell you to just let a man will be a man; whereas, one of your aunts will tell you all men ain’t shit. And it all ends with you being in a worst place mentally than you were before you sought outside counsel.
Life is funny. Anything or anyone that I thought I’d lost never failed to come back to me. Be it professionally or personally, my losses consistently manage to manifest back at my doorstep. The greatest thing is that by the time it returns, I’m in such a better place in my life to where I don’t even open the door. The Word says God’s strength will be made perfect in my weakness. I apply the same sentiment to myself – I will be made better in its absence. And those things that have not returned? 🤷🏿♀️ Time’s still ticking.
In case it is not clear, I think I’m the shit. I think anyone or anything would be a dumb ass to lose me as an employee, as a significant other, as a friend, as a professional. Now maybe some of you might think I’m not the right hue to be so confident, my body doesn’t have the right measurements to be so immovable, or my accouterments don’t have the right brand logo to be so high maintenance. *shakes head* Your thoughts are only reflective of how you view yourself; it ain’t got shit to do with me.
You see, I fucking despise weakness. And I don’t mean like failure. Failure isn’t weakness. You tried, it didn’t work, so try it again. You had the courage to try; that isn’t weak. You had to rebuild yourself after a fuck-up. That’s not weakness, either. Everyone fucks up, but not everyone has the wherewithal to rebound. You do. Weakness is excuse after excuse after excuse. Weakness is letting someone else dictate your life. Weakness is talking loud and fronting in front of others then crying yourself to sleep at night. Weakness is…
…most of these men out here today and the dumb ass women who allow it.